Feelings Won’t Kill You


You get the call. We all have. Your best friend is having a mini breakdown.

You really want to stop the pain. Start with:

Well, that stinks.

That sucks.

That’s not right.

That’s not fair.

Whatever flavor fits your personality and your relationship; it’s  your style of validation.

You wanna take the pain away. Stop the bleeding. But instead of rushing for the band aid, “the universe has something better for you” or “everything happens for a reason.” Start by just acknowledging their pain. It won’t drag them down.

It’s like a tourniquet; it stops the bleeding.

The best thing you can do is to show your friend that they are heard.

Now understand this: it doesn’t mean you are condoning how they got in their current predicament. It doesn’t mean you agree with the decision to stay with the guy, keep the job, move to the new city, or stay with the roommate.  Rehashing how they got there in the first place isn’t going to help them. Not now.

Simply say, “That sucks."

Don’t tell them everything happens for a reason. We know it’s true, but not yet.

Allow them to feel the pain.

Feeling a feeling never hurt anyone.  

Lean in, feel it all the way through.

Then the pain moves along.