You Can Be My Left Hand Woman

Have you ever thought about the phrase, ”You can be my right hand man"?
Why right hand?
Why Man?
Why not left hand man or right hand woman?

These kinds of seemingly harmless phrases have started sticking out to me like sore thumbs.
 
How about you, are you finding yourself in a heightened state of awareness right now?
 
I've become even more in-tune to slights, and innuendo uttered about all different groups of people and I find myself asking “What did you mean by that?” a lot and a couple times the person I asked was myself. 
 
In my quest to be not just non-racist but, anti-racist, I caught  myself  doing something that I think contributes to racism subtly and possibly a bit more insidious. 
 
See…A couple of weeks ago I hosted a bridal shower for a beautiful bride to be.  I pulled out all the stops.  Planning parties is one of my super powers and this party was off the charts but, it didn’t go off without a hitch.
 
See…I hired a company who rents glamping tents complete with fabulous furniture, twinkle lights, big pillows and throws.  So pintrestable!  I was giddy anticipating everyone enjoying the tent at the party.
 
The problem was that the set-up  I saw online and thought I rented was not what the woman  who owned the company delivered.
 
When she and her team rolled up to my house  the morning of the shower they were in one SUV.  
 
I welcomed them and then politely asked “So, does the furniture arrive after you put up the tent?”
 
To which  she replied, "Oh ,no, it’s blow up furniture.  The tent, furniture and covers are in the back."
 
Wait...What?
 
“The photo on your site was blow up furniture?” I asked.
 
“Oh, no, my friend lets me use her photos. There’s a disclaimer on the site. You didn’t see it?”
 
“No.  I did not.”
 
They started putting up the tent and I went inside to gather my thoughts. I had spoken with this woman earlier in the week and had asked specifically if the tent in the photo came with the furniture.

I wallowed in a little disappointment and then I reminded myself that circumstances are always neutral. 
 I changed my thinking too thoughts like.... no one coming to the party even knows I rented this; it will be a surprise and they will love it,blow up furniture and all.
 
Of course,  the bride and her guests were thrilled with the tent but, during the party (for whatever reason)  I proceeded to tell my friend, ( the brides Aunt) ,what happened with the tent.
 
I didn’t name the company by name  but, what I did catch myself doing felt worse.  

The woman who owned the company was a different nationality and when I started reiterating the conversation I had had with her earlier, I caught  myself imitating her voice complete with a very poor rendition of her accent.
 
I stopped myself when I realized I was doing it and I apologized to my friend who truly looked confused that I was apologizing for anything, which shows how commonplace my behavior is.
 
The fact is I didn’t need to demonstrate the business owners ethnicity to explain my point.
 
 I didn't mean anything by it but, that kind of behavior contributes to the problem we have in our country and I will try harder to make sure I don't contribute to the problem this way again.
 
I clearly have a bit of work to do.
How about you?

Are you working to become not just a non-racist but an anti-racist?  
Are you working to becoming a better version of you today than yesterday?
 
Being anti-racist doesn’t mean you have to join the protests (unless you want to.)   Striving to be anti racist  means educating yourself on anti-racism and the history of what it’s like to be something other than white in America.  Joining me in correcting subtle slights will go a long way in making 2020 the year we woke up and stayed woke.